What is Spousal Support?

Spousal support, also called alimony, is payments made from one spouse to another after divorce. The overall purpose of spousal support is to lessen the burden on the spouse who earns lower wages than his or her former spouse. An amount of money is awarded to one of the spouses per a written agreement, or by a court-mandated decision.

During a marriage, one spouse oftentimes sacrifices a career to stay home and raise children. In such a case, whoever has given up his or her career is obviously unable to continue the standard of living that existed during the marriage. As a result, spousal support is awarded.

Is Alimony Taxable?

Yes. Alimony is taxable as income to the recipient. Only payments specifically made as part of the divorce decree or separation agreement are considered alimony for tax purposes, meaning that voluntary or bonus payments are not included. From a tax perspective, temporary spousal support is equivalent to permanent spousal support. However, certain types of payments do not qualify as spousal support:

•   Child support

•   Noncash payments

•   Money for maintaining the payer’s property, such as repairs on a home

•   Use of the payer’s property, for example, lending a home to a former spouse

Is Alimony Tax-Deductible?

Yes, spousal support is tax-deductible to the person paying it. Child support, however, is neither taxable to the recipient nor tax-deductible to the payer.

Can you make spousal support payments to a 3rd party?

Yes. You can make payments to a third party on behalf of an ex-spouse and qualify for spousal support. For example, payments for medical expenses, taxes, and tuition can still qualify as spousal support. Payments must be made in cash, so transferring property or providing a service for payment does not count as spousal support in the eyes of the IRS.

How is spousal support calculated?

Every state is different, and each divorce is unique. In fact, the court system has a wide range of criteria when deciding whether spousal support will be awarded. Typically, many factors are considered, including the financial condition of both parties, the duration of the marriage, the standard of living while the marriage existed, physical and emotional issues, and the time that is needed for the recipient to be self-supporting.

How long does alimony last?

Spousal support is not terminated until the date specified on the divorce decree, or until the court makes that decision. If the recipient marries again, spousal support from the former spouse is almost always terminated.

Although not typical, there are situations when it is permanent. If the spouse is elderly (or has medical issues that hinder him or her from working), he or she may very well receive alimony for the rest of his or her life. If the payer passes away, the payer’s estate (and money from life insurance policies) may very well be granted to the former spouse.

Can you change spousal support?

Sometimes life happens, and your circumstances change. The spouse paying support may lose their job, become disabled, or retire. If these circumstances change, it can be grounds to change spousal support. Spousal support can be terminated if the spouse receiving support remarries or (in some states) moves in with someone else. Spousal support can even change if there is a change in child custody (separate from changing child support).

Even though it is possible to change spousal support, it will not be easy. You will be starting another legal battle, which can get very expensive. If you want to pursue that option, you should have a compelling reason for justifying a change. You will not be able to guarantee the outcome, even if you have a convincing case. If you are the person paying spousal support, you should accept that it may not be possible to change it. If you are receiving spousal support, make sure you are getting enough to live on, and budget accordingly.

Shawn Leamon, MBA, CDFA is the host of the “Divorce and Your Money Show” and Managing Partner of LaGrande Global, with offices in Dallas, New York and Hanover, New Hampshire.

This article was republished by Investopedia here.

At any point in your lifetime, finalizing a divorce can be stressful. But divorcing after the age of 50 comes with its own unique challenges. Those who divorce later in life can find themselves scrambling to secure financial freedom before their anticipated retirement.

In addition, as you advance in age you need to look more towards your estate and making directives for end-of-life care. While it may still be a long way off, making plans now can help you secure both financial freedom for your retirement and peace of mind for the new beneficiaries of your estate. 

1. Create a Budget Geared Toward Retirement

You should always create a new budget before the end of your marriage to account for income changes and the extra expenses that come from living on your own. When you are looking at a divorce that occurs later in life, you will need to create a budget that projects what your living expenses will be - both in the immediate future and once your retirement is official.

How much will you need monthly to comfortably move forward? To be secure on your own, this bottom line may mean working for a few extra years.

2. Boost Retirement Savings With Annual Catch-Up Provisions

Your retirement savings could be cut in half when your divorce is finalized, depending on which state you live in. If your retirement savings do not put you where you hope to be for your soon to be single lifestyle, you will want to contribute a little more money to your retirement accounts.

When you craft your new budget, try to add in a line item that will take advantage of the provisions allowed by the IRS for your retirement savings. Below are the IRS’ catch-up provisions for individuals over the age of 50:

• Up to $3,000 in catch-up contributions via a SIMPLE IRA or SIMPLE 401(k).
• Up to $1,000 in catch-up contributions via a traditional or Roth IRA.

You may also be able to make catch-up contributions to a 403(b), non-SIMPLE 401(k), SARSEP, or governmental 457(b) retirement savings plan. For more details on how much extra you can contribute each calendar year, refer to the IRS or your specific plan.

3. Modify Estate and End-of-life Directives

While you might be hyper focused on your impending retirement, you do not want to forget to make changes to your estate. Alter your living will to exclude your soon-to-be ex from what remains of your single estate. You may want to include children, grandchildren or charitable organizations as the beneficiaries of your remaining retirement savings and assets upon your death.

You also do not want to forget to change your power of attorney. Nothing would be worse than having a medical emergency and only your ex has the authority to make medical decisions on your behalf. While you are visiting your legal representative to make changes to your living will, you will also want to remove your spouse as your power of attorney.

Divorcing later in life can be daunting because of the financial headache involved in reconfiguring your retirement and planning your new estate on your own. However, it is possible to secure your financial freedom even as those items loom large on the horizon. Consider the helpful tips that will put you on the path to independence and a comfortable retirement.

Shawn Leamon, MBA, CDFA is the host of the “Divorce and Your Money Show” and Managing Partner of LaGrande Global, with offices in Dallas, New York and Hanover, New Hampshire.

It can be tempting to try to navigate the waters of your divorce on your own. After all, a do-it-yourself divorce is easily the least expensive method of finalizing the end of your marriage—in theory, that is. Trying to complete your divorce on your own can have serious implications for your financial future, especially if you are not considering all future possibilities.

Hiring a divorce attorney in the beginning is an absolute necessity to save you the financial and emotional headache that accompanies a do-it-yourself divorce. Where can you go wrong without a divorce attorney? You absolutely MUST hire a divorce attorney to help you for three main reasons.

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1) Incorrect divorce papers can cost you time and money in the end.

The reality is that most of us do not have the expertise for filing our own legal paperwork. This unfamiliarity can lead to mistakes in determining which documents to complete and how to file them as well as obtaining a court date and managing any potential court proceedings. Many people are now turning to online resources, such as Legal Zoom, for advice on handling their divorce without an attorney. These sites fall short, however, as they do not and cannot cover all regulations for each individual state and circumstance.

Forgetting to file the proper paperwork or missing critical items in your settlement can also lead to added expense with future legal proceedings, leaving you financially strapped in the years ahead. Consider issues involved with alimony and child support. Laws differ from state to state, and these are definitely some of the more complicated aspects of a settlement to negotiate. Most individuals also have a hard time considering the long-term tax consequences of certain financial decisions and divisions regarding your settlement agreement.

Hiring an attorney to assist you will save you money and time in the end. Fortunately, you can even hire an attorney who will “unbundle” your services. If you and your spouse are relatively amicable and good communication is possible, you can sort out most of your divorce on your own. An attorney who unbundles their services can be used just for limited consultations, filing paperwork, or drafting your documents.

Unbundling a full-service divorce attorney can provide the legal assistance you need to file your divorce properly as well as save you money in the grand scheme of things by helping you avoid future court dates and proceedings to correct your mistakes.

2) Getting less than you deserve can hurt your financial future.

State rules differ on how they divide your assets, and not all states believe in splitting marital assets 50/50. You will also need to be aware that not everything is necessarily considered a marital asset. Do you know what you are actually entitled to during your divorce under your state laws?

Sticky situations regarding property that belongs to only one spouse as well as such things as retirement accounts and shared debt can be difficult to divide. If each spouse maintained his or her own property and retirement accounts before the nuptials, it may be difficult to determine what is considered a marital asset in the present situation. Most individuals cannot plan for the long-term tax implications of those divisions, and they lack the insight to know exactly what they could be entitled to receive.

If you get less than you deserve in the settlement now, your financial future is at stake. Hiring a divorce attorney can help you achieve a fair and equitable settlement with everything you are entitled to receive. Taking care of the division of property and assets properly the first time allows you to avoid future legal proceedings (and the costs associated with them) to make corrections.

3) You need to protect yourself from an abusive spouse.

In the case of an abusive situation (whether it is physical, verbal, emotional, or otherwise), you need to do everything you can to ensure your protection. Attempting to negotiate a divorce settlement behind closed doors with an abusive spouse is a recipe for disaster—both for your physical safety and your financial future.

If your marriage is coming to an end due to the behavior of your abusive or bullying spouse, you definitely need to hire a divorce attorney right away. The right attorney can help put distance between you and your spouse to prevent them from manipulating or frightening you into agreeing to an unfair settlement. Without effective communication, you are really putting yourself at risk for having an inequitable settlement that will put for your financial future further at risk.

A bullying or abusive spouse is also likely to seek his or her own attorney. Attempting to navigate your divorce on your own while your spouse has legal assistance does not set you up for success. Should your case make it to trial, it is likely that you will not fare well in the court proceedings on your own.

An attorney can help you think through every situation that could arise in the future that would be affected by your settlement and divorce negotiation. Their emotional distance from a highly charged situation can give you some much-needed perspective to protect yourself from your spouse and get what you are entitled to from what remains a marital asset.

You NEED a Divorce Lawyer

At a minimum, hiring a divorce attorney to provide legal assistance in filing your paperwork is a wise investment for your newly single lifestyle. Attempting to settle your divorce without legal assistance, especially in complicated situations involving alimony or children, can put your entire financial future at risk and cost you more in the long run.

Divorce is a business transaction, and protecting yourself both physically and financially should be a top concern for you. A divorce attorney could be just the ally you need to ensure that you have the emotional distance necessary to fight for all that you are entitled to receive during the divorce process. It is well worth the expense of some minor legal fees to be in the best spot for your financial future.

Do It Yourself Divorce? Don’t.

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Some people think they don’t need to hire an attorney because they don’t have many assets to split, and an attorney is not worth the cost. Many online resources can do the job of attorney, so here are some reasons why you should consider DIY (or “pro-se”) divorce.

Every state has different requirements regrading divorce. You need to follow many specific rules and complete certain forms and documents. If you fail to do so, your divorce may be delayed. Court clerks cannot help you legally in this matter, as they are not attorneys. Some of these forms are very complicated and can be difficult to understand. Online help does not necessarily apply for every state, so this seemingly simple process can end up costing you greatly.

Consider these three financial and legal reasons why DIY divorce can be a bad idea.

• Not knowing your rights
• Not considering tax consequences
• Losing sight of the bigger picture by focusing on short-term matters

Divorce is a complicated process, and you might not be aware of your rights. Each state has varying rules on the amount of alimony and child support that needs to be paid. You could be losing a significant amount of money by following this path. In case of an abusive or bullying spouse, having an attorney by your side can potentially save you from agreeing to a settlement that is not good for you. Don’t take the word of your spouse or use their attorney. Your attorney can protect you, your interest, and make sure you take all legal implications into consideration. Your attorney can also protect you and ensure that you receive what you are entitled to during the divorce process.

The next most important issue is not understanding the financial picture after the divorce, both from a taxation and budgeting perspective. Divorce can have drastic tax implications.

Losing sight of the bigger picture by focusing on short-term things is another drawback of this method. The expression “You can’t see the forest for the trees” often applies in divorce where you can put yourself in a bad position. Professionals can help you, as they have a better perspective and will potentially save you from making a decision you will regret later.

How Do You Choose a Divorce Lawyer Near You?

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A divorce attorney is the single most important individual of your divorce team. Just as a good attorney can get you a good settlement, a bad attorney can hurt your settlement. As divorce is a legal transaction and process, the attorney is in charge during this whole process.

When you think about your divorce attorney, you should know that they will need to know everything about your married life. They will dig deep into details of your marriage and the factors that might have contributed to the divorce. They will have a close and intimate relationship with you during this whole process, which is why it needs to be someone you are comfortable with as you deal with them on a regular basis.

Litigation, Mediation or Collaborative Divorce? 

Before doing anything, you need to take a step back and determine the right process that you might want to pursue for your divorce. These options are litigation, mediation, and collaborative divorce. Once this choice is made, choosing an attorney will become much easier.

Choosing a divorce attorney is a 3-step process.

1. Make a list of potential candidates.
2. Interview the candidates.
3. Select an attorney.

1) Get a Divorce Attorney Near You

Laws can vary greatly, depending on the state where your proceedings are taking place, which is why you need an attorney who is an expert in divorce settlements of your state. The first step in the process is making a list of potential candidates. You can get referrals from friends or family, and the American Association For Matrimonial Lawyers has attorneys listed by state.  You should have at least three, but five or ten would be great.

2) Consider a Free Consultation with a Divorce Attorney 

When you meet with the attorney, you will go through a prescreening process. Once that is done, it is time for the initial consultation session. You can ask such questions as does the attorney regularly represent the husband or the wife? Is the attorney going to handle your case or hand it to a junior associate? What is their likely strategy and timing? You also need to know how much the attorney costs. You need to ask if they have any expertise in your particular case. Your attorney needs to be well versed in the area of your case. You need to ask them about the experts they work with and plan to bring in.

3) Choose the Best Divorce Attorney for You

Once the second stage is over, you can now pick the right attorney for your divorce case. You need to know what you can afford, if they have a friendly personality, did they impress you with their strategy, and if you felt comfortable and were able to get along with them well. You need to use your best efforts in making this critical choice.

Questions to Ask a Divorce Lawyer during the Initial Consultation

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Starting the search for a brand new divorce attorney can be stressful and overwhelming. Just a quick glance through the phone book reveals countless options, but how will you know which attorney is the right one for your divorce? You should know what you are looking for from the very first phone call and know what to expect from your initial consultation meeting. Head into that first meeting educated about what services they can provide and what you believe will work best for your divorce.

A relationship with your attorney is the same as any other business relationship you maintain. Can you work with this person? Do you actually want to work with this person? Making key decisions such as this one at the very beginning of the process is far better than making them six months into your divorce proceedings.

When you are beginning a relationship with a new divorce attorney, here are a few tips for determining if they are the right fit for you:

Is the divorce attorney experienced and persuasive?

When you first meet an attorney, take note of whether or not you feel they have a particularly powerful presence. Are they persuasive enough to represent your interests and persuade the opposing counsel? This character trait cannot be underestimated when you are initiating a business relationship with an attorney. After all, your settlement is uncertain if they cannot convince opposing counsel or a judge of all that you deserve.

Another key characteristic of having a successful divorce attorney and client relationship is their experience level with family law. Ask questions regarding how many years they have been practicing family law, what other trades they serve, and how many divorces they process each year. You are keeping an eye out for an attorney that is highly specialized in family law and divorces, not a “jack of all trades” who dabbles in family law, construction law, and seven other specialties.

The amount of experience they have can be a good predictor of whether or not they have enough knowledge of the laws surrounding divorce to handle your case quickly, efficiently, and ensure that you receive all you are entitled. When they are highly specialized, they should have a greater amount of education regarding the laws and more experience in putting it into practice – both of which are great attributes for you as the client.

You also need to consider their experience and relationship with your spouse’s attorney, if you are privy to who that may be. A hostile relationship between your attorney and the opposing counsel could take the focus off your proceedings and shift it toward their relationship and motives with the other attorney.

How will you interact with them?

Customer service is a critical consideration, beginning with the very first phone call. Is the receptionist polite and informative? Does the attorney return your phone call in a timely manner? Answering either of those questions in the negative could be an indicator that you will not be pleased with the customer service they will provide throughout your proceedings.

Ask what the policy is regarding your communication with them. You should know what days they spend in the office, and what timeframe you can expect them to return your phone calls and emails within. If they spend several days each week out of the office, inquire whether someone else in the office will be well-versed with the specifics of your case in case you have pressing questions when the attorney is not available.

Furthermore, how will they charge for the work and communication that is involved in your case? You should have a detailed account of how the billing rates work, including if they differ among categories such as legal advice, filing paperwork, and making copies. Knowing how they count the minutes that you are in communication with them is an important consideration as well. Does your attorney charge per hour, in fifteen minute increments, or do they tally up each individual minute? The billing schedule can make a substantial impact on what the final bill for your divorce will be.

What service options do they provide?

Entering into an attorney-client relationship, you should already have a fair idea of what you believe you will need for your proceedings. The first question might be whether the attorney or their firm has relationships with other qualified professionals who can assist in trickier situations. Do they have a Certified Divorce Financial Analyst, forensic account, mediator, or other attorneys they can consult with in the event of needing outside advice and opinions from specific experts? When your attorney manages close relationships with other trades and services, it is far more convenient for you to reach out for additional assistance if necessary.

You should also inquire whether they offer “unbundled” legal services or mediation. This allows you to cut some of the costs associated with divorce proceedings by only paying for the specific services that you are in need of. Whether you desire just legal advice, someone to help draft and file documents, or whether you need someone to manage all of the proceedings from start to finish, knowing what your options are can be helpful.

This even allows you to determine if you want to make the switch to a more do-it-yourself approach if you see your bill rising faster than you anticipate. This is a good time to begin asking questions about what you can do yourself to speed the process along and save on the costs. Are they open to a more do-it-yourself arrangement with you when it comes to documentation or filing paperwork? Asking upfront can save you money in the end if you decide that you are capable of handling some of these issues on your own.

Come to the initial consultation prepared.

While not a requirement, it does not hurt to come to the meeting prepared with the important documents that you will need to discuss. These could include a selection of recent tax documents, paystubs, bank statements, proof of adultery or abuse, and more. It may even be helpful to have your marriage license and important documents relating to you children (health papers, psychological papers, addresses, etc.).

By bringing all of the additional documentation that you believe is pertinent to your case, you are granting the attorney a clear look at what marital assets and liabilities will need to be divided. What do you have in retirement accounts, real estate, savings, and investments? Looking at the bigger picture may allow them to make clearer determinations of what the next steps and plans might look like.

Before you leave your initial consultation, you should receive some proposed game plan or plan of action from the attorney regarding what they believe the best steps to take are. You will need to evaluate whether you agree with their evaluation, especially if they believe it could end up going to trial. If you believe that your divorce could be settled more amicably (and for less cost), then you might want to reconsider your relationship with this attorney.

Because this is a significant business relationship that you will be a part of for the coming months, you should consider meeting with multiple attorneys if you are not satisfied with the initial consultation. There is nothing wrong with moving back to the drawing board before you commit to an attorney for the long haul. You never know how long your divorce proceedings could last, so be certain that you are satisfied with your attorney’s experience, qualifications, customer service, and cost.

How to Get a Low Cost Divorce Attorney

Divorce can be many things: emotional, messy, frustrating, and stressful. But more than anything else, divorce can be expensive. The price of splitting your life in two could include court costs, attorney fees, financial experts, and therapists.

These expenses may be hard pills to swallow, but they can quickly become detrimental to your financial future if you’re not careful. To protect yourself, you want to ensure that you stay in control of both the process and its price tag. Here are a few things you can do that will minimize the cost of your divorce:

1) Reach Agreements Prior to Meeting with Your Divorce Attorneys

Cutting down on your divorce attorney’s billable hours is one of the easiest ways to save money during a divorce. Rather than hashing things out in front of your divorce lawyers, consider how much you’ll save if you and your spouse are amicable enough to work things out together. Provided that you’re on speaking terms, it’s very likely that the two of you can be successful in negotiating initial agreements.

This phase is a good time to discuss the specific arrangements of your children. Try to come to an agreement about the topics of custody and support. Being their parents, you both need to have their best interests in mind.

By privately drafting a list of negotiations, you could save thousands of dollars in attorney fees.

2) Keep Attorney Correspondences Short and Sweet

Don’t waste your money on communications with your lawyer. Each of those emails and phone calls costs money, but you can lower these costs by keeping correspondences brief. It’s guaranteed that you’ll have questions, but write them all out first. Then call your lawyer and ask all of your questions at the same time.

Your attorney’s receptionist is usually your first point of contact, so see if he or she can answer those questions for you. In addition, when providing information, be direct. But still provide enough detail to avoid back-and-forth emails that can hike up your bill.

3) Hire a Certified Divorce Financial Analyst

You’ve already hired an expensive lawyer. At first, hiring yet another professional may sound counterintuitive to minimizing the cost of your divorce. But when it comes to consulting with a Certified Divorce Financial Analyst (CDFA), the long-term savings ultimately outweigh the short-term costs.

A CDFA will be able to paint you a picture of your financial future. He or she can help you draw up budgets before and after your divorce. A CDFA is trained to know the tax benefits you’ll be able to take advantage of. He or she can assist with the long-term planning that you would otherwise hire a financial planner to do.

4) Don’t Sweat the Small Stuff

In many divorces, an excess of time and money is spent on couples squabbling over how to divide up the little things. To avoid this, brainstorm a list of the items you’ll need to settle on. Rank everything on the list by its importance to you. Then next to your rankings, note how your spouse might prioritize each item.

See if there are any proposals you’ll be able to bring to the negotiations. If you agree to let your spouse keep the boat, maybe he’ll let the dog live with you? In the end, drafting a list of your priorities will allow you to know which points you truly want to push for—and which you’re willing to let go of. The less time spent arguing, the cheaper your divorce will be!

Signs That You Might be Getting Screwed by Your Divorce Attorney

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Whether you are far into the divorce process or are just dipping your toe in the water, you likely already know that attorneys are a necessary part of the process. As critical as they may be during the finalization of your divorce, they are professionals who have the potential to profit from your emotions. When your emotions make it difficult to sort out your case, you can quickly see your bill going up.

Unfortunately, when all is said and done, some divorce attorneys may try to manipulate your emotions to score a higher paycheck. Your relationship with your attorney can be compared to relationships with other professionals (e.g., your plumber, your accountant, and even your personal trainer). You hired them to complete a specific job, and you need to manage your relationship with them accordingly.

Want to know how to respond more effectively in each situation? Here are a few items that attorneys tend to focus on:

Warning Sign: Your attorney is not a family law specialist.

Hiring an attorney is a significant investment of your resources, and you will want to hire someone who knows what they are doing in a courtroom. If your attorney seems clueless about family law, you may not get all that you are entitled to during settlement negotiations. Because your divorce decree and settlement are final, it is imperative that you ensure that your attorney is working as hard as they can to get an equitable resolution on your behalf.

How will you know if your attorney is not a divorce specialist? Your attorney could be a “jack of all trades, master at none.” In other words, he or she regularly practices family law, construction law, and personal injury lawsuits. If so, he or she may be lacking the in-depth knowledge and finesse needed to handle divorce cases with the attention, diligence, and education that they require.

Each area of law requires attorneys to stay abreast of upcoming legal changes through continuing education, which is common with most professions. To have the most up-to-date knowledge and expertise that you will need to win, an attorney that claims to have multiple specialties will not be able to comply with all possible continuing education courses. Costly mistakes can occur when your attorney lacks the expertise for completing a routine case or a more complicated divorce.

It might be acceptable for your attorney to have to research a specific question once in a while. After all, nobody knows everything. However, if you find yourself asking general questions and being met with silence or uncertainty, it may be a sign that your attorney is not as well versed in divorce proceedings as you need or want them to be.

Warning Sign: Your attorney wants you to focus on smaller items.

In the end, does it really matter which spouse got the spatula or the serving spoons? Do not allow your attorney to distract you by focusing on items that are of inconsequential value. It could take forever to divide up each item within the household, especially if you have a vast amount of bric-a-brac.

Every item that you and your spouse argue over adds expensive minutes to your attorney’s final bill. The reality is that paying your attorney to split up these insignificant items will likely cost more than those items are truly worth.

Instead, you need to focus on which items are priorities for you. If the dining room table that your great grandfather made has extreme sentimental value for you, make sure to put it on your settlement list. However, if you could care less about the ceramic carafes your spouse uses for coffee, there is no point in arguing about them.

Because attorneys are paid by the hour, the longer you and your spouse spend fighting over trivial items, the more you will both be paying your attorneys. Try to focus on the big picture, and settle amicably with your spouse (if possible). Keeping open, healthy communication with your spouse can allow you to quickly and efficiently divvy up those household items, without costly over-involvement from your divorce attorney.

Warning Sign: Your attorney encourages you to discuss emotional details.

Does it really matter what the last intense argument you had with your spouse was? If the details do not specifically pertain to the case and questions at hand, then they do not need to be discussed with your attorney. Your attorney is not your therapist; he or she is not specially trained to help you sort out any lingering emotional drama that you may be experiencing about the dissolution of your marriage.

When you find yourself recounting the latest episode that proves your spouse’s incompetence, stop immediately. If you find yourself needing to spend those precious, expensive hours with your attorney detailing the drama, it is time for you to consider other outlets for your frustration. Hire a therapist who can help you work through the situation, or head out for a drink with your friends. Either way, it is likely to be both more cost-effective than venting to your attorney.

Warning Sign: Your attorney wants you to go to trial, instead of taking the settlement.

When you and your spouse can reach a reasonable settlement, you might be tempted to sign on the dotted line. However, what happens when your attorney insists that you go to trial? Attorneys will sometimes lobby for this next step because it adds a hefty number of hours onto their final bill. Reaching a reasonable settlement makes going to trial an unnecessary expense.

As we discussed in the first section, amicably sorting out your settlement with your spouse can save you a ton of money. If you can reach an agreement with him or her, you will save money upfront, and you will not be leaving the situation in the hands of a judge (who could rule against you). An amicable resolution could save you a ton of attorney fees and court fees.

Make sure that you understand all of the options available to you. Mediation, collaborative divorce, and settlement are less expensive options than going to trial. If your attorney encourages you to go to trial, but you believe you can settle in less time via one of these other avenues, do not hesitate to speak up for yourself. You should be comfortable voicing your opinion with any professional that you hire. After all, you are the one who issues his or her paycheck at the end of the day.

Warning Sign: Your attorney does not know your case well enough.

Some attorneys can find themselves swamped with too many cases at once. Unfortunately, that means that each individual case suffers. Then it is impossible for them to remember all the intricate details of each client’s unique situation. An inability to remember the details from your specific divorce case can lead to long-term mistakes that you will have to live with.

Without remembering the information you present, they may struggle to help you divide your assets with your spouse, as well as offer legal advice about the best next steps. Also, if they are spread too thin across a multitude of cases, they may have difficulty staying up-to-date with legal changes. They may make mistakes as they struggle to keep up with the amount of work they need to do.

It should be a huge red flag if your divorce attorney continuously asks you the same questions, especially if it pertains to your personal information. Hearing the same questions over and over again indicates that they either did not adequately record the information the first time, or they cannot remember who you are. In either scenario, it could be a sign that your attorney does not know your case well enough, and you should move on to another firm.

Warning Sign: Your attorney does not value relationships.

Under the best of circumstances, divorce is a painful proceeding. Attorneys who do not value relationships can make the experience even more grueling than it already is. Working with them becomes a difficult chore in the midst of emotional turmoil.

Furthermore, they might not just struggling to maintain their relationships with their clients. If divorce attorneys cannot maintain professional demeanors with their opposing counsels, they may be unnecessarily antagonistic. Achieving a settlement or handling negotiations will be a more laborious process, and it could be more time-consuming as well. Keep in mind that attorneys typically charges by the hour. Therefore, the more time your attorney spends negotiating a settlement with his or her opposing counsel, the higher your bill will be at the end of the day.

You need to determine if your attorney falls into this category, but fortunately, it should be apparent rather quickly. When you first enter an office, a cold, unfriendly staff can indicate a poor working environment. If you get the same chilly vibe from the attorney, it is likely a sign that he or she does not value his or her relationships.

What are some other signs? They will likely be difficult to get in touch with— dodging phone calls and rarely replying to emails. If this behavior only occurs once, it simply is an oversight, but if it becomes a pattern, it is a sign that your attorney will not make your business a priority.

If attorneys speak to you in a condescending manner, it is another sign that they do not know how to communicate with others. If they struggle to be respectful and communicative toward you (a paying client), how much worse will it be in the courtroom when they must persuade the opposing counsel and the judge of your proposed settlement?

Remember that Divorce is a Transaction

Do not forget that divorce is little more than a business transaction. As you divide up your assets and finances from your married life, try to keep your emotions surrounding the process from interfering. Take care of yourself as you need to (by venting to friends or hiring a therapist), but do not allow your feelings to sway your decision-making during the divorce process.

The goal is not to make your spouse suffer, but to make sure that you both get an equitable settlement. An attorney can capitalize on the emotional turmoil you are going through, which could cause you to fork over more money than you anticipated. Play it smart; know in advance when you are being manipulated into increasing your attorney’s billable hours.

Your attorney is a professional that you have hired to protect your interests and help you obtain what you deserve during your divorce. You should feel comfortable and confident about speaking your mind and managing the relationship you enacted. You should be in charge of your attorney during your divorce.

Recognize the Red Flags

Your divorce attorney may be waving warning signs right in front of you. If you notice even one of these attributes in their practice, it could be enough to make you consider moving on to another attorney—before you are too far along in the proceedings. Having a subpar divorce attorney can be costly in the end; it may mean that you do not receive all you are entitled to, that they are prone to legal mistakes, or that they will make the overall process more expensive and miserable than it needs to be.

Keep your eyes open and your mind sharp for situations that make you feel uncomfortable. Ultimately, your instincts regarding your divorce attorney will prove correct. Hiring the right attorney can mean the difference between a settlement you are pleased with and a settlement that leaves you disappointed and bitter.

Divorce is hard, so you should learn how to prepare for a divorce. These 17 divorce tips for men and women will help you.

1) Be Certain You Want a Divorce

Divorce is a last resort and not the only option in an unhappy marriage. Divorce is often expensive, messy, complicated, and painful. Have you exhausted all your options to save your marriage? Divorce does not necessarily solve many of the reasons you may be unhappy. Consider marriage counseling or living apart for a while as an interim solution. If the pain of staying in the marriage is worse than the fear of a single life, then maybe it is time to go. Just be sure you do not regret your decision to get a divorce.

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2) Accept that Divorce is Happening

You are getting a divorce. The vows you made, the life you created, the marriage you had—it is all ending. Divorce is the death of a marriage. You never thought it would happen to you. You are probably experiencing a range of conflicting and confusing emotions, including denial, anger, guilt, sadness, fear, relief, and everything in between. All these feelings are normal under the circumstances, but it is time to step up and prepare for the divorce process.

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3) Hope for the Best, but Prepare for the Worst

Divorce can be unpredictable. Initially, you may think you and your spouse will work things out civilly, but the next thing you know years have passed without any clear resolution, and you have a stack of legal bills. In other cases, you may think you are going to have a lot of conflict with your spouse, but it turns out that both of you want to resolve the process quickly and efficiently. Or maybe you are somewhere in between. Every divorce is unique with its own dynamics, and it is hard to foresee the outcome. While you should be optimistic about getting through the process favorably, prepare yourself for a fight. Even in the best of circumstances, divorce takes twice as long and is twice as expensive as you think it will be. Prepare yourself.

4) Plan for the Cost of Divorce

Divorce can be very expensive. You will need funds to pay for an effective team, which will do their best to assist you in managing the process and securing a financial future for yourself. Before you even consider filing for divorce, you may want to think about setting aside some cash on your own. This money can then be used to cover the cost of retaining an attorney, hiring a certified divorce financial analyst, and enlisting the help of a therapist to work through your own emotional issues surrounding the end of your marriage.

Want to listen to this episode on your mobile device? Just use one of the following links:  iTunes | Google Play Music | RSS Feed or click on the episode player above.

5) Setup New Bank Accounts and Credit Cards

You may not be able to get rid of your old joint accounts just yet, but you can certainly begin to set up new accounts for your soon-to-be single life. Make sure that you form these new bank accounts and that you transfer some funds into the account. Most notably, you will want to switch any direct deposits from your employer into your individual account.

You should also consider opening new credit card accounts that are only in your name. This tactic can help you build up your own credit for the time when you may need to purchase a new car, get a new mortgage on your own, or encounter any number of other scenarios that require a good credit score. Your credit score will need to reflect that you have the capability to responsibly borrow and repay your loans without the assistance of your spouse.

6) Gather Your Financial Records

Ideally, you will have five years’ worth of documents, including tax returns, payroll stubs, benefits information, bank statements, investment accounts and property information.  Make copies of everything and keep them outside of the house — either in a private safe deposit box or at the home of a trusted friend or family member. Having evidence of all of your financials will help speed up discussions during the divorce, and it will safeguard you in case something goes missing.

7) Inventory Your Assets

While you are gathering your financial records, begin an inventory of all of your assets. Separate property usually includes anything you owned before the marriage, any gifts given solely to you, or inheritances. Anything acquired during the marriage is usually considered marital property.

Take digital, date-stamped photos of your valuables such as jewelry, antiques and collectibles. This may seem extreme now, but it is not uncommon for things to disappear once the process starts.

8) Build a Team of Professionals to Help You

As CEO of your divorce, you need to have a team of specialized professionals to help you navigate the complex process. The three key players are an experienced family law attorney, a Certified Divorce Financial Analyst (CDFA), and a therapist. A family law attorney—the most important person on your divorce team—will help you navigate the legal elements of the case and represent your interests. A divorce financial planner (CDFA) does the math, from helping you complete your all-important Statement of Net Worth/Financial Affidavit to determining the long-term impact of different settlement proposals. A therapist will help you work through your emotions to keep you focused on the big picture.

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9) Set Realistic Goals for Your Future

What do you want after the divorce is over? Do you want to stay in the house or maybe receive (or pay) a certain amount of spousal support? What about custody of children? You need to determine your most important goals for the divorce process and stay focused on the big picture. If you are mired in the little details and start fighting for that coffee mug you got on vacation years ago, you end up racking up expenses and only hurting yourself in the end.

10) Cut Unnecessary Expenses

It is no secret that divorces are costly. From the moment you sense that your marriage is heading in that direction, you need to redraw your budget and determine how you will accommodate not only the expenses associated with divorce, but also for your new, single life. In order to help build your savings, it is likely that you will have to adjust your lifestyle and cut out anything unnecessary.

11) Monitor Your Credit Report

In order to emerge from the divorce as fiscally unscathed as possible, you need to be fully aware of your current financial situation. To paint the clearest picture, obtain a copy of your credit report, paying close attention to any outstanding debts.

If there is anything that does not add up, you will want to ask your attorney for assistance before you ask your spouse for full disclosure of records. Additionally, it is wise to monitor your credit report throughout the divorce process to avoid any surprises later on.

12) Treat Divorce as a Business Transaction where You are the CEO

As cold as it sounds, the difference between marriage and divorce is a piece of paper. While marriage is about love, divorce is about money. As you go through the divorce process, treat it as a business transaction, as the decisions you make will affect you for the rest of your life. Put your emotions aside, and step up as CEO of your divorce. You must make rational decisions regarding dividing property, child custody, and spousal and child support.

13) Keep Healthy and Fit

The bedtime pint of ice cream starts looking very tasty when you are going through a stressful situation. Or maybe you are thinking about dusting off that bottle of vodka or having an extra cigarette. You are sleeping less. Days between visiting the gym become fewer and fewer, and soon you realize that you are gaining weight and feeling extra sluggish. Do not let that happen to you. Divorce is exhausting mentally and physically; one of the best things you can do to lift your mood and reduce stress is by staying healthy. Physical strength can serve as a good foundation for mental stamina. Go to the gym, take a walk, do some yoga, and clean up your diet. Your body—and your mind—will thank you for it.

14) Lean on Friends and Support Groups

Divorce can be a lonely time, but you should know that you do not have to go through the experience alone. Speak with close friends to help you manage the process, and share what you are feeling. Consider joining divorce support groups, such as DivorceCare and Second Saturday, and many churches and religious institutions can also help. Having others by your side makes it easier to get through the dark times and toughest days in one piece.

15) Take Care of the Children

Divorce can have a traumatic effect on children, with repercussions for the rest of their lives. What do you want them to say about your divorce ten or twenty years from now? Learn how to tell your children about divorce, and try to understand what they are seeing from their eyes. They may act out, have falling grades, or exhibit changes in behavior that you need to monitor closely. If you love your children, do everything you can to protect and reassure them during this volatile process.

16) Act Civil with Your Spouse

If possible, be civil with your spouse. Whether by text, email, or in person, try to avoid a high-emotional confrontation with every communication. You are getting divorced for a reason, of course, but it does not mean you should create extra conflict in every possible situation. Even if your spouse is mean, abusive, or unpleasant, when communicating, treat him or her with respect. Tense and unpleasant communication can not only hurt you if you go to court, but it can also lead to much larger legal bills and often add unnecessary complexity to your divorce.

17) Know You Will Make It

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Divorce can feel overwhelming, but you will get through it. Focus on one minute, one hour, or one day at a time. This time in your life will end, even though it may not seem it will at the moment. It is not going be easy, but divorce does not have ruin your life either. Just take one step and then another and another, and those steps will add up, and soon you will be done with the process. You will have the rest of your life ahead of you, and divorce will be in the rearview mirror. You can do it. You will do it. Have faith and believe in yourself.

This was originally published on Investopedia.com. Click here to see the original article.

Getting your affairs in order is the first critical step toward having a successful end to your marriage. Unfortunately, many people become quickly overwhelmed at the sheer volume of tasks they must accomplish before divorce. Here is a short guide to some of the first financial steps you need to take:

1) Gather up all pertinent documentation.

You will need to have a clear picture of your marital finances. To accurately portray your financial situation, it helps to have clear documentation of the lifestyle you and your spouse had together. Before you head to any appointments with an attorney or other members of your divorce team, ensure that you have copies of some of these important documents: (For more, see: How to Manage Your Finances Through a Divorce.)

• Tax documents
• Home and mortgage information
• Loan applications
• Bank statements
• Credit card statements
• Investment account statements
• Retirement savings account information

2) Take inventory of your marital possessions.

Take a good look at the assets you and your spouse own jointly, which can include homes, cars, art, and collectibles. When taking inventory of your marital assets, don’t forget to consider retirement savings accounts, investment accounts, and other various types of property. You should also know the overall income that you and your spouse brought into the household each year. For example, tax documents should help prove the annual income levels for the year.

Having a good inventory of your marital possessions and assets is crucial for getting what you are entitled to. It is difficult to negotiate a settlement without information regarding what to divide up or sell. Even the most effective mediator or divorce attorney will not be able to get you a fair settlement without understanding the full financial picture of your marriage.

3) Prepare for the cost of divorce.

Divorce can be very expensive. You will need funds to pay for an effective team, which will do their best to assist you in managing the process and securing a financial future for yourself. Before you even consider filing for divorce, you may want to think about setting aside some cash on your own. This money can then be used to cover the cost of retaining an attorney, hiring a certified divorce financial analyst, and enlisting the help of a therapist to work through your own emotional issues surrounding the end of your marriage. (For more, see: Get Through Divorce With Your Finances Intact.)

4) Set up new bank accounts.

You may not be able to get rid of your old joint accounts just yet, but you can certainly begin to set up new accounts for your soon-to-be single life. Make sure that you form these new bank accounts and that you transfer some funds into the account. Most notably, you will want to switch any direct deposits from your employer into your individual account.

You should also consider opening new credit card accounts that are only in your name. This tactic can help you build up your own credit for the time when you may need to purchase a new car, get a new mortgage on your own, or encounter any number of other scenarios that require a good credit score. Your credit score will need to reflect that you have the capability to responsibly borrow and repay your loans without the assistance of your spouse.

5) Get acquainted with your credit report.

Taking charge of your credit is a crucial element to securing your future financial freedom. Good credit is a standard requirement for everything from personal loans to mortgages.

You are entitled to one free credit report each year, which can easily be obtained online.  Become familiar with the items that are included in your reports, and keep an eye out for unfamiliar loans and transactions. You are responsible for any account that has your name on it, even if it is shared with your spouse.  Identifying accounts early can help to manage your debts post-divorce.

Preparing in advance saves money later.

While there are no fixed rules regarding the timing of completing these five necessary tasks, it is better to finish them sooner rather than later. If your affairs are in order prior to filing for divorce, your spouse cannot make it more difficult to obtain copies of the documentation you desperately need. In the case of a narcissistic or bullying spouse, you may find it incredibly hard to gain access to records that you need once the divorce process has been set in motion.

Without all your information and affairs in order, you may not be able to negotiate a settlement that is fair or that helps secure your financial future. If you follow through on the completion of these five essential steps, it can make a huge difference in the overall outcome of your divorce settlement. (For more, see: Divorce Planning Checklist: What You Need to Know.)

Shawn Leamon is the host of the “Divorce and Your Money” podcast and managing partner of LaGrande Global, with offices in Dallas, New York and Hanover, New Hampshire.