Divorce is painful; there is no question about that. It is a devastating shakeup of any life. The more painful it is, the more people want to know: “How long does it take to get over it?”
The answer to this question depends on several factors:
· The length of the marriage
· How close you were
· Which spouse filed for divorce
· Whether or not infidelity was involved
However, the length of time is ultimately up to you.
Divorce is an adjustment. You have to find a way to adapt to your new reality. Oftentimes, people want the pain to be gone quicker than the natural process allows, which could actually result in the process taking longer.
Here are some tips to help make the process work for you. Then you can hopefully move on, and find happiness in your new life faster.
Grieving Is Essential
To move on from any painful ending, you have to do the work. If you keep your emotions hidden or ignore the grief from any life change, it will only makes things worse in the long run. And more often than not, you will remain stuck.
Let yourself feel the pain. When you feel like crying, find a quiet place as soon as you can, and let the tears out. Every tear you shed is a release of emotion, and grief helps you slowly move forward as you let more and more out.
Take it one moment at a time. A huge change like divorce is incredibly difficult and painful. We are creatures of habit, and when something obliterates the life that we have become comfortable with, it creates a yearning for the life that we once knew. And that yearning makes adjusting to a new life much more difficult.
The only way to get through the whole process is to get yourself through each moment. One moment leads to another, and pretty soon, you will realize that you have made it through days, then weeks, then months. Your stamina and your ability to adapt to your new life will increase during each moment. Then one day, you will realize that it hurts less, and that hope has returned to your life. You will have the ability to be happy again.
Do not forget to remind yourself that a relationship takes two people, so any divorce is not the sole fault of one person. Since pain gives your viewpoint tunnel-vision, we tend to forget that there are two people involved, and nobody is perfect.
Ask for Help
Talk to friends about what you are going through. They can help you move through your grief by validating your pain, helping you find a healthy perspective, and taking your mind off things.
See a counselor or therapist. They are trained to help you find healthy coping mechanisms, which are the most valuable takeaways of therapy. They can also help make sure that you do not fall into depression.
Seek advice from a Divorce Coach who has worked with all kinds of divorce situations. They can help you avoid disastrous situations, save money, and find the best ways to heal. As an objective observer, your Divorce Coach will be able to validate you because they specialize in what you are going through.
Find an Escape
This advice does not include doing anything careless or reckless, but it will help you to take a break from your grief every once in a while. Your life cannot be all about your divorce. While you should not let a break parlay into long-term avoidance, it can be a good way to adapt to your post-divorce life.
Remember, it is good to take your mind off of your divorce, and a break can help you get through each moment as you build your stamina in your newly single life.
Here are some ways to temporarily escape your divorce:
- Going to dinner with friends is a simple way to get your mind off your divorce.
- Meditation has been proven to keep your brain in a positive state.
- Go on a short vacation, by yourself or with friends. It is a good way to hit the restart button.
- Hobbies and interests will be hard to maintain, but if you can, try to keep up with them. They are healthy ways to give your brain a break.
- Exercise raises the endorphins and makes you feel better about yourself. This tactic makes it easier to stick with healthy coping mechanisms that a therapist and/or Divorce Coach will teach you. It leads to a higher sense of self-worth, which will also help speed up your recovery from divorce.
It is understandable that you would want to know a timeline: When will the pain caused by your divorce stop? However, it is not easy to gain the knowledge about how long it takes to get over a divorce. But if you do the work, stay in a healthy place, and keep putting one foot in front of the other, you will find yourself in a better mood before you know it.
Shawn Leamon, MBA, CDFA is the host of the “Divorce and Your Money Show” and Managing Partner of LaGrande Global, with offices in Dallas, New York and Hanover, New Hampshire.
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